When it comes down to it, connection is what we are
all looking for. Connection is our driving force and our ultimate goal, yet we continually
block our access to this blissful state of being choosing instead to barricade
ourselves into our emotional forts, drawing up the drawbridge to true,
authentic connection when things get rocky.
It’s difficult to put the feeling of connection
into words but it is a feeling with the power to completely transform our
lives. Often we feel most unhappy when we lose connection and we might not even
realise that we were missing it until we find it again. When we feel connected
our outlook on the world can completely change. Connection to our true selves can
allow us to deeply feel and understand our emotions, which can free up space in
our hearts and minds to reach out and connect to others. Connection to others
can help us to cultivate deeply healing feelings of compassion, kindness and
gratitude. This sense of compassion, kindness and gratitude can help us to see
the beauty in the world around us, deepening our connection to nature and perhaps
allowing us to tap into that elusive universal consciousness that connects us
to every single plant, person, insect and animal.
This state sounds quite abstract but when
experienced it is one of those ‘ you just know’ feelings. For me this happens
when I feel at peace and my heart is huge and warm and ready for whatever the
day has to offer. When I feel like this I start to behave like a mad woman
making happy sounds at the sunrise whilst driving down the A5 or crying at the
raw emotion of a song.
With all of this immense potential for personal
growth, contentment and peace so readily available to us why is it that we so
often struggle with this simple feeling? Our bodies and minds, like the
electrical impulses that run through us, are wired to choose the path of least
resistance and although the rewards to be reaped from living with open hearts
are many; it is not always the easiest option. Sometimes it is easier in the
moment to ignore someone who is deeply hurting us than to confront them or to say
we are ‘fine’ when that couldn’t be further from the truth. To reconnect with ourselves
and others we first have to step out of our comfort zone and put ourselves into
a position of vulnerability. We have to take that first step, fully accepting
that the outcome might not be the one that we want but realising that it is far
better to tell an uncomfortable truth in a moment than to live a comfortable
lie for a lifetime.
Our modern world provides endless opportunities for
escape and disconnection making it all too easy to choose the path of least
resistance. If we lived in close-knit communities where each person holds an
integral role, isolation would just not be an option to us. We would have to
face our problems head on but with the full support of our community. How often
have you not felt like seeing anyone and then forced yourself to see friends or
family and come away feeling a million times better? Sadly Netflix and ice
cream is rarely the answer.
We live in a world where the meaning of connection,
friendship, and relationships has changed dramatically. With social media now a
ubiquitous presence in most of our lives we are more ‘connected’ than ever
before but ironically less connected than ever. We have constant, immediate access
to a wide network of people, which can give the illusion of connection but how
many of those relationships are genuine and authentic and how many exist solely
in the realm of small talk, niceties and approved social convention? We live a
strange existence where people miss the present moment with loved ones in
favour of capturing it to be shared later with strangers and acquaintances.
Where people walk through the streets with their eyes and ears shut off to the sights
and sounds, missing opportunities for interaction and experience. The image of couples
sat at dinner in silence texting has sadly become a familiar one to us all yet
not that long ago people had nothing but each other’s company for better or for
worse. People had to talk to each other and that talking would be the making or
the breaking of them. Before the invention of portable social media waiting in
a queue was a time of thought and reflection or a time to exchange pleasantries
with the people in your community. Now
we have yet another quick and easy distraction method, the ultimate cultural epidemic
of our time that alluring, dopamine fuelled refresh button. We are losing
connection with our true selves and others because we are all too often choosing
the path of least resistance, not allowing our minds the space to be and consistently
distracting ourselves before we get the chance to think or feel.
As a lifelong sufferer of anxiety with a natural inclination
towards introversion, I know all too well how easy it is to choose distraction
as the coping mechanism of choice but once you experience the freedom of
confronting those difficult situations and emotions with nothing to fall back
on, you will never look back. Despite my biggest fears revolving around public speaking,
social interaction and performance of any sort I have chosen two professions (yoga
teaching and music performance) which require high levels of skill in all three
of these areas. I couldn’t begin to tell you why things have ended up this way
but I couldn’t be more grateful for the weekly challenge to my comfort zone. 6
years ago things got so bad that I couldn’t leave my room, let alone my house,
I was so socially anxious that I was completely unable to enjoy any
conversations and I couldn’t use public transport for well over 2 years. These
days I somehow get up in front of a room of people on a weekly basis and face
my fears but it’s not always easy and I have come to realise that at the very
heart of how comfortable I feel on any given day is how connected I feel. I
came to this realisation after the unbelievable turn out of kindness, love and community
support throughout the ordeal with my dad. It left me with a deep, unwavering
sense of connection and for the first time in my entire life I spoke, performed
and interacted wholeheartedly and without inhibition. I was even able to open
my eyes whilst singing, something I have never been able to do.
So the next time you notice yourself reaching for a
distraction, see if you can resist and see what it feels like to just be. Next
time you notice you and your partner stuck in a technology bubble, see if you
can turn to them, ask them a question and really listen to the answer. Next
time you feel yourself slipping into isolation, see if you can find someone to
help or spend time with. And most importantly never ever be ‘fine’, no one is
ever ‘fine’! If a friend of loved one asks you how you are, tell them how you
really are!
‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to
seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’
- Rumi
Carly x
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