Escapism

Originally posted: 1/1/2016

Today not only do I get to celebrate the magical, exciting, hopeful feeling of bringing in a new year full of possibility and opportunity but also 4 years of sobriety. 4 years of navigating the world without being able to numb out the hard bits, of facing the difficult facts of life head on when often all I wanted to do was run. It hasn’t all been hard by any means but facing the world without any sedation certainly provides some interesting insight into what it is to be human.

Anyone who has dealt with addiction in any form will know that even years later your brain still doesn’t quite know how to just be and the urge to escape is often so strong that you can’t see an alternative and escape whether physical, mental or emotional can become a habitual pattern. I once heard somewhere that alcoholics drink to escape and even when they can’t drink anymore they keep looking for that escape. This really resonated with me, as I’m sure it does with anyone who has been down this tricky path or known anyone who has.

Over the past year I have finally come to realise that escape is in fact an endless unfulfilling pursuit that rarely ends in contentment. Positive change is definitely a good thing but when positive change turns to habitual change and we find ourselves continually left in the same unsatisfied state at the end of it - that is when we need to stop, turn around and look at what we’re running from. We might find that we’ve been running for so long that we don’t even know what that is!

It can take a lot of digging to work this out and what we uncover might be hard to face at first but as anyone who has been through this process can testify, it is so incredibly worth the dig! Facing the hard truths and being completely honest with ourselves and the ones we love, even when that seems like a scary prospect, can finally free us of our emotional baggage and bring us that incomparable feeling of deep, authentic connection. Connection not only with ourselves and with those we love but often also with something greater than ourselves, something that gives us purpose, meaning and a feeling of trust and security in the way that things are unfolding.

It is interesting to contemplate that escapism is an opposing force to connection, despite connection being the driving force for almost all of our actions. There is an escapist in all of us, addict or not. Escapism is part of our basic human nature, we have been finding and ingesting plants and fruits that alter our mind state since time began. So what is it that keeps us running from connection when ultimately this is all that we are seeking? It should come as no surprise to discover that the answer is almost always fear in some form or another. Fear of failure, disappointment, letting people down, letting go, being authentic, making mistakes, embarrassment… All escape is ultimately rooted in fear and if we can learn to face our fears we might have a chance at making meaningful connections and living a truly contented life.

I began my dig this summer and it has turned me life upside down. I will be honest there were days when I truly couldn’t face the cold light of day, the truths that I had been hiding away. I had to face the fact that there is no one to blame. I am the problem but also the solution. When you stop placing the blame, all of sudden you have no choice but to move forwards instead of looking back. An incredible freedom!

Then finally as if coming full circle you realise that the only truly worthwhile escape is out of the unrelenting negativity of our judging minds and into the endless possibility and hopefulness of the present moment.

What a bloody essay! Thank you so much for listening if you made it this far. I am truly grateful every day to have such an unbelievable group of friends and loved ones. Life would be nowhere near as magical without you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Carly x