Presence

Thinking is becoming a lost art, not just worrying, planning, remembering, judging and all of the usual mind fluctuations we cram into the brief moments of respite between tasks and technology but real, deep, purposeful, creative, imaginative thinking. When did you last sit with a cup of coffee and just gaze out the window, allowing your mind to wander off and think for the sake of thinking? Our minds are incredible things but we give them very little freedom, we tie them down to task after task and distraction upon distraction almost constantly and then we are surprised by the way they respond when we finally let them off the lead. We often notice this when we try to go to sleep or sit down to meditate, suddenly this incredibly helpful subservient mind we have put to work all day goes wild and becomes unruly, uncooperative and uncontrollable, like a wild animal escaped from captivity.

As a society we are absolutely addicted to distraction. As soon as we find ourselves alone we immediately reach for our phones, in fact there is a statistic that says the average smartphone user checks their phone an average of 150 times a day! As soon as our friend gets up to use the bathroom in a restaurant, phone check, waiting in a queue, phone check, awkward silence, phone check, on the bus, phone check, walking alone, phone check and, probably the most mental one of all, sitting on the loo, phone check (59% of people as of a survey taken in 2010). Once upon a time these situations would all have left us time to think, time to take in our surroundings, time to process our thoughts, feeling and emotions, time to enter into conversations with those around us. 

The more stimulation we receive the more we want, not content with just watching TV anymore now we need to watch TV, whilst sending emails from our laptops and checking our Instagram on our phones. Some schools of thought say that this high-level multi tasking is increasing our ability to take in information but there is research that indicates that this kind of activity can actually decrease our ability to retain information. This research has shown that when you focus on one task at a time and really pay attention, without distraction, the information you take in is stored in the hippocampus, the area of the brain responsible for storing, organising and categorising data, making it easier to recall. However, when you switch between screens and tasks, any information you take in is sent to the striatum, the region of the brain responsible for planning movement and motivation and not storing data, meaning any information received is much harder to recall. If we consistently send data to this area of the brain, it can establish a pattern and reduce our ability to recall information. 

I have an absolute love hate relationship with technology. As with many of us, I rely heavily on my computer, phone and the internet for the management and promotion of my music and yoga businesses and some days I am filled with wonder, hope and inspiration that we have these incredible tools available to us but then on other days I am filled with complete dread that we must spend large portions of life staring into screens in order to be successful. The secret to healthy technology use is to approach it as we do any other potentially damaging behaviour… with moderation. Technology doesn’t have to be evil, it is a wonderful creation that has made so many previously unimaginable things possible but used to excess it can be incredibly damaging.

So if we know this behaviour is bad for us, why is it so hard to stop! This question has been plaguing me, so I decided to do some research and my findings have made things so much clearer! The reason this constant over-stimulation is such a tricky habit to break is not only does it become a habitual way of dealing with being alone and without an activity but also because there are some very strong, powerful brain chemicals involved, chemicals that are created for the purpose of seeking (dopamine) and reward (opioids). Dopamine is created in the brain to motivate us to seek out things that we want or need, so in an evolutionary sense this would be seeking out food, sex and shelter but it can also be seeking out information. We are then rewarded with pleasure by our opioid system, making us feel satisfied with our find. The dopamine system is stronger than the opioid system, which again from an evolutionary standpoint would make us spend more time hunting, gathering and seeking out a mate than revelling in satisfaction. The problem is that we now have almost instant gratification for our seeking, we pick up our phones to ask Google a question or find someone to talk to and almost instantly we get a response and receive our reward. Dopamine then kicks in again and we’re off seeking the next piece of information or communication. So the more we seek the more we are rewarded and it becomes almost impossible to break the cycle, throwing us into a dopamine-induced loop. 

Armed with this new knowledge I became inspired to make some serious life changes. I have been feeling more and more like something in my life needs to change. I would fill with dread as I watched people walk down the street with their eyes down at their phones but then find myself doing the very same thing, somehow separating my behaviour from that of others, making meaningless justifications for why it was ok this time. Every single time I found myself partaking in addictive behaviours relating to technology a voice in my head would scream ‘be the change you want to see’ but I was not ready to listen. As with any addiction, you have to be ready to quit before you can even consider it and two weeks ago I was finally ready. Spurred on by two inspiring podcasts, one about a digital detox summer camp in America called Camp Grounded and another about the importance of Wild Time, I decided that enough was enough and I set myself a challenge. A challenge to go back in time to a time when we could only check our emails at home before we left for school/work and again when we got home, where instant response wasn’t the expectation and where we spent so much more time outside!

The Challenge: 

• Phone on silent, turn off all phone notifications bar texts/calls 
• Check phone/emails/social media twice a day (3 times if necessary) 
• Morning (ideally after meditation/yoga/exercise/reading and breakfast) and before dinner for the last time that day 
• No other phone checking unless you need to text/call someone for practical reasons 
• When working on laptop/computer stick to task – no internet use unless for research and ideally switch off all technology 2 hours before bed and keep it outside of the room 

One of the most shocking things I noticed when first entering into this challenge was the striking similarity between quitting technology and going sober. Even two weeks in I still feel that intense, almost physical, pull to pick up my phone, just as 4 years in I still often feel that pull of escaping into a glass of wine. I have even had to resort to putting my phone in another room to avoid the temptation. Madness! The similarities continue to show up the further down this path I go, for example, I am noticing that I have more time. I can read more, play more banjo, colour in, practice yoga for longer and spend more time talking to Josh as I cook, eat and digest. I remember having this exact same revelation when I stopped drinking. Another incredibly similar experience is the experience of suddenly having your social crutch taken away. The first social situation I found myself in during the challenge, I found that everyone resorted to their phones in moments of social awkwardness, leaving me standing there like a lemon twiddling my thumbs. It felt so much like the first party I went to sober, everyone around you easing their social anxieties with alcohol and me going for a wee every two minutes to escape the pressure. It comes as no surprise to me that I would feel this way, as we all know, once an addict always an addict but I really don’t think I realised how far in I was until I stepped away.  

Since starting this challenge, I feel like a different person. I feel so much more engaged with life, so much more present. I am thinking again, really thinking, allowing my mind to wander, ponder, theorise, question, challenge and dream. The first few minutes are the hardest but as my mind lets go of the idea of being distracted it gets to work being interesting again, working through all kind of ideas, troubles and questions, instead of just worrying. I have become more productive with my computer and phone-based tasks and I respond and deal with emails with presence instead of trying to deal with them and continue my normal daily life at the same time. There is also always something to deal with because I haven’t just checked my phone five minutes ago, which makes it interesting and fulfilling again instead of that well known empty feeling, similar to the one where you go back to the fridge over and over, expecting chocolate to will itself in there if you check enough times. The most important change of all has been feeling free, completely alive again and full of possibility. I feel as though I have been released from shackles I didn’t know I was wearing. So I urge you to give it a try, to feel the freedom of being completely present with life and the people and things in it again. And when you feel that pull ask yourself what is so important that can’t wait?

Never pass up a chance to do nothing. 

Spotify Presence playlist 

Carly x 

Feet On The Ground

'Keep your feet on the ground, but let your heart soar as high as it will. Refuse to be average or to surrender to the chill of your spiritual environment.' - Arthur Helps

Feet are the principal foundation for all standing poses and active in all inversions and arm balances, most backbends and forward bends, many twists and hip openers. They allow us to stand, walk, run, jump and generally have mobility in life. They are our wheels, yet we probably give more care and attention to the tyres on our cars.

A stark foot neglect memory springs to mind. I was standing on a busy train coming back from London when a glamorous, immaculately preened woman walked on with perfectly painted toes pointed out of her very beautiful, very high shoes. I remember thinking, I wish I had the motivation to look that glamorous! A thought that quickly subsided as she proceeded to take her shoes off. She carefully laid a leaflet out on the floor, took off her shoes and proceeded to stand on the leaflet for the remainder of the journey. Her feet absolutely shocked me. They were contorted, misshapen, cut and blistered. She was clearly in pain and yet that was a choice she had made that day and very likely would continue to make until she is forced not to. This isn’t Chinese foot binding but it is still crazy and interestingly both practices stem from a desire to be more appealing to the opposite sex. 

Our attitude to feet in the West is a strange one. We hide our feet away as much as possible in shoes, socks and slippers and being barefoot anywhere but the beach is generally frowned upon. In Indian culture feet are revered. It is the done thing to kiss the feet of respected gurus as a sign of respect, walking barefoot is fairly common and shoes are always taken off before entering the house. In my previous life as a touring PA I was on tour with an Indian classical musician and whilst sitting at breakfast with the band and crew the main act, a renowned tabla player, walked into the room. All of the Indian musicians got up from their tables, walked over to him and got onto their knees to kiss his feet. A beautiful image but not something I can imagine becoming part of our Western culture. 

It can be so easy to completely forget the role that feet play in our yoga practice, let alone our daily lives! I had been practicing for years before I realised that I wasn’t working with my feet at all. The moment I had this realisation was when my teacher asked the class to kneel with toes tucked, a simple enough sounding cue but I was in absolute agony almost instantly. Despite this initial realisation, it wasn’t until I attended a workshop with ex-parkour runner Austin Norris of Primal Motion that the importance of strong and flexible feet for full body health really sunk in. He took us through a whole series of foot and ankle exercises, almost none of which I could do. As with many of us, my feet just weren’t being sent enough complex movement signals from my brain, exacerbated by my shoes and even, unvaried floors. How often do you hear the cue in a yoga class to ‘place one toe down at a time’ or ‘spread your toes’ and just stare at your unresponsive, immobile toes as your teacher stands in front of you using their toes as fingers. This isn’t because they were born this way (although it would seem that some people are!) but more likely they have spent time reawakening those rusty neural pathways.

Our feet have become unresponsive from walking on unvaried, hard surfaces and contorting our feet into constricting, damaging or often over or under supportive shoes. Once we would have walked barefoot on uneven surfaces, which would require our feet to be responsive, agile and articulate. Walking on uneven terrain requires that the foot makes constant micro-adjustments to keep us stable, which in turn promotes movement in the pelvis and spine, keeping the whole body flexible and agile. Stiff, weak feet contribute to our lack of flexibility and mobility. A healthy, aligned and balanced body begins at your feet. 

Activation of the feet begins in the legs. The line of energy running from the top of the femur bone down through our feet creates a rebounding effect. When you intentionally root down from the tops of your thighbones down into your feet, the muscles in your calves and thighs engage. This creates an upward pull on the arches with the tibialis posterior (inner calf) and peroneus longus (outer calf) creating a stirrup-like effect. This lift creates expansion through the joints, a feeling of being firmly grounded yet light, resilient and agile not just in the feet and legs but throughout the whole body.


This past week I have been focusing on feet in my home practice and classes and the effect has been incredible! Balances, standing poses and even paschimottanasana feel drastically different and so much more steady, stable and enjoyable. 

Here are some exercises that can help you to feel more grounded and stable in your yoga practice:

Weaving
Weave the fingers between the toes (the tops of the fingers might be easier if you have tight toes!). Use the fingers to grip and squeeze the toes, flexing and pointing the toes to encourage opening up more space between them.

Toe Fan
Lift up all of your toes and then lower them down starting with the little toe and working through to the big toe. Don’t be surprised if they come down as one clump for a few days/weeks. 

Pronate/Supinate
Roll onto the outer edge of your foot and then the inner to loosen and strengthen the ankles.

Arch Doming
Grip the mat with your toes, drawing the toes towards the heels but trying not to curl the toes. This helps when trying to lift the arches in pada bandha and standing poses.

Toe Crunching
Stand at the front of your mat and try to scrunch the mat towards you, as if you were trying to bunch it up under your feet.

Talasana/Palm Tree
From tadasana (mountain pose) lift up onto the toes as high as you can then staying on tip toes, squat down as low as the knees will comfortable allow. You can also have the arms out in front of you palms facing up as you lift up and then palms facing down as you come down, inhaling as you rise, exhaling as you descend. As your balance improves this practice can be incredibly calming. The mind is so focused on balancing, it tends to be fairly still.

Pada Bandha

Finally Pada Bandha, the way we can teach our feet to ground down whilst staying active, lifted and engaged in all standing poses.

• Spread toes wide
• Keeping toes lifted feel the inner edge of the ball of the foot, press down firmly there
• Lift and lower toes keeping inner edge of ball of the foot rooting down
• Notice how with toes lifted the inner ankles and ankles automatically lift
• Keep this sensation and allow the toes to come slowly back down to the mat
• Notice the rebounding effect, strong activation of leg muscles, awakening of inner thighs and mula bandha. Lengthening through the whole body

Benefits of foot exercises:

• Improved balance 
• Stronger lower leg muscles 
• A reduction in ankle injuries 
• Strengthens arches
• Relieves the symptoms of bunions 
• Foot strength directly influences stability of the ankles, hips and spine

My Feet On The Ground Spotify Playlist

Carly x

Attachment

'Drowning in the sea of tears you're crying, are you worried that you're happier at war than at peace' - John Moreland 

One of the strangest things I have come to realise is how attached we are as humans to our misery. We hang on to what has been done to us, to those who have hurt us, to the conditions we have been diagnosed with. We build a very distinct and rigid sense of self around these labels, which restricts us more than we realise. 

Our language even reinforces this attachment - I am sad, I am anxious, I am depressed, I am angry. In Spanish they often say 'I have' instead of 'I am'. Tengo miedo = I have fear. This gives the impression of a much more temporary state of being rather than something intrinsic to our character. 

John Moreland's lyrics really resonated with me because it can be really interesting to realise how attached we can be to drama and sadness. If you have grown up in or spent time in a volatile environment where anger, drama and tears were a normal part of your day and how all issues were dealt with it can be difficult to break the drama junky cycle. There is something strangely addictive and appealing about dramatic outbursts and passionate, dramatic make ups. 

This cycle is something I have worked particularly hard to free myself from. All of my relationships until now have revolved around drama, sitting firmly in either love or hate, passionately loving or passionately angry at any given moment. These days I am trying to learn to enjoy the peace that comes from not reacting from a place of anger. Trying to have my emotions rather than be them. It is a lot easier to let go of something that isn't part of who you are.

Carly x 

Connection

When it comes down to it, connection is what we are all looking for. Connection is our driving force and our ultimate goal, yet we continually block our access to this blissful state of being choosing instead to barricade ourselves into our emotional forts, drawing up the drawbridge to true, authentic connection when things get rocky.

It’s difficult to put the feeling of connection into words but it is a feeling with the power to completely transform our lives. Often we feel most unhappy when we lose connection and we might not even realise that we were missing it until we find it again. When we feel connected our outlook on the world can completely change. Connection to our true selves can allow us to deeply feel and understand our emotions, which can free up space in our hearts and minds to reach out and connect to others. Connection to others can help us to cultivate deeply healing feelings of compassion, kindness and gratitude. This sense of compassion, kindness and gratitude can help us to see the beauty in the world around us, deepening our connection to nature and perhaps allowing us to tap into that elusive universal consciousness that connects us to every single plant, person, insect and animal.

This state sounds quite abstract but when experienced it is one of those ‘ you just know’ feelings. For me this happens when I feel at peace and my heart is huge and warm and ready for whatever the day has to offer. When I feel like this I start to behave like a mad woman making happy sounds at the sunrise whilst driving down the A5 or crying at the raw emotion of a song.

With all of this immense potential for personal growth, contentment and peace so readily available to us why is it that we so often struggle with this simple feeling? Our bodies and minds, like the electrical impulses that run through us, are wired to choose the path of least resistance and although the rewards to be reaped from living with open hearts are many; it is not always the easiest option. Sometimes it is easier in the moment to ignore someone who is deeply hurting us than to confront them or to say we are ‘fine’ when that couldn’t be further from the truth. To reconnect with ourselves and others we first have to step out of our comfort zone and put ourselves into a position of vulnerability. We have to take that first step, fully accepting that the outcome might not be the one that we want but realising that it is far better to tell an uncomfortable truth in a moment than to live a comfortable lie for a lifetime.

Our modern world provides endless opportunities for escape and disconnection making it all too easy to choose the path of least resistance. If we lived in close-knit communities where each person holds an integral role, isolation would just not be an option to us. We would have to face our problems head on but with the full support of our community. How often have you not felt like seeing anyone and then forced yourself to see friends or family and come away feeling a million times better? Sadly Netflix and ice cream is rarely the answer.

We live in a world where the meaning of connection, friendship, and relationships has changed dramatically. With social media now a ubiquitous presence in most of our lives we are more ‘connected’ than ever before but ironically less connected than ever. We have constant, immediate access to a wide network of people, which can give the illusion of connection but how many of those relationships are genuine and authentic and how many exist solely in the realm of small talk, niceties and approved social convention? We live a strange existence where people miss the present moment with loved ones in favour of capturing it to be shared later with strangers and acquaintances. Where people walk through the streets with their eyes and ears shut off to the sights and sounds, missing opportunities for interaction and experience. The image of couples sat at dinner in silence texting has sadly become a familiar one to us all yet not that long ago people had nothing but each other’s company for better or for worse. People had to talk to each other and that talking would be the making or the breaking of them. Before the invention of portable social media waiting in a queue was a time of thought and reflection or a time to exchange pleasantries with the people in your community.  Now we have yet another quick and easy distraction method, the ultimate cultural epidemic of our time that alluring, dopamine fuelled refresh button. We are losing connection with our true selves and others because we are all too often choosing the path of least resistance, not allowing our minds the space to be and consistently distracting ourselves before we get the chance to think or feel.

As a lifelong sufferer of anxiety with a natural inclination towards introversion, I know all too well how easy it is to choose distraction as the coping mechanism of choice but once you experience the freedom of confronting those difficult situations and emotions with nothing to fall back on, you will never look back. Despite my biggest fears revolving around public speaking, social interaction and performance of any sort I have chosen two professions (yoga teaching and music performance) which require high levels of skill in all three of these areas. I couldn’t begin to tell you why things have ended up this way but I couldn’t be more grateful for the weekly challenge to my comfort zone. 6 years ago things got so bad that I couldn’t leave my room, let alone my house, I was so socially anxious that I was completely unable to enjoy any conversations and I couldn’t use public transport for well over 2 years. These days I somehow get up in front of a room of people on a weekly basis and face my fears but it’s not always easy and I have come to realise that at the very heart of how comfortable I feel on any given day is how connected I feel. I came to this realisation after the unbelievable turn out of kindness, love and community support throughout the ordeal with my dad. It left me with a deep, unwavering sense of connection and for the first time in my entire life I spoke, performed and interacted wholeheartedly and without inhibition. I was even able to open my eyes whilst singing, something I have never been able to do.

So the next time you notice yourself reaching for a distraction, see if you can resist and see what it feels like to just be. Next time you notice you and your partner stuck in a technology bubble, see if you can turn to them, ask them a question and really listen to the answer. Next time you feel yourself slipping into isolation, see if you can find someone to help or spend time with. And most importantly never ever be ‘fine’, no one is ever ‘fine’! If a friend of loved one asks you how you are, tell them how you really are!

‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’ - Rumi

Carly x